Being poly doesn’t make dating easy….

Relationships are amazing, but they do require effort. Sometimes being totally honest and transparent is uncomfortable, but finding someone with whom you never have to be anyone but yourself is really amazing. I tend to be very open and honest with people because it feels natural to me, but I then assume that people are doing the same in return. Sadly, this is often not the case.

My venting today is a reaction to a very unexpected ending to a recent relationship I had with someone that I had clearly not known as well as I thought. We met on line on a lifestyle website and there was a considerable amount of distance between us. However, when he wrote to me it felt like we had a genuine connection. I had assumed that eventually it would run its course when he found someone closer, or I did…but until then we would have lots of fun going to lifestyle events and spending time together when we could. I also assumed, that when it did run its course, there would be a friendly discussion about how things changed and how we wanted each other to be happy…..and about how we would remain friends even without the sexual component. Well, that’s not what happened and I was blindsided.

Honestly, I think I’m most upset that I totally misjudged the character of my partner so badly that this was a shock to me. I feel like I should have seen it coming so I’m second guessing my ability to choose partners. ugh….

Anyway, the take home message is that sometimes people, even people who are open minded enough to be poly or swingers can still surprise you with their lack of open communication. I’m posting a podcast about how this took my by surprise. Please comment of leave questions if you have thoughts or questions about this….or want to tell me I’m not handling it well.